The Best of Times - not exactly the worst, but close

Way back in the halcyon days of 1981, a 17-year-old Nicolas Cage (credited as Nicolas Coppola) appeared in an ABC pilot (which is now in hindsight apparently known as a made-for-TV-movie) called The Best of Times.

Starring Crispin Glover and featuring just about every single teenage stereotype that the writers could think of (as well as a gruff-on-the-exterior Jewish shop owner), it's almost hard to imagine what they would do if it hadn't been cancelled, apparently instantly. The show was basically a series of short sketches and song-and-dance routines showing 'the real life' of American teenagers at the beginning of the 80s.

For a cast full of actual teenagers, the acting's actually not what you'd call appalling, but that's mostly just because it's good to be charitable.

Our hero comes in pretty quick, playing the role of Nicolas, a muscle-bound beach jock who spends most of the show looking at his own muscles and working out.

First up, he's shadow boxing and raving about how awesome Rocky is. His next scene is him coaching his Nerdlinger friend on the way to woo women. Spoiler alert: his 'secret' is to take advantage of women's telepathic powers to think the right thoughts at them and trick them into digging you. I'll let him explain it:


"I think, quote, I am the most beautiful man you have ever seen. My magnificent biceps drive you wild with desire. Unquote."

So this is what we see from young Mr. Coppola.

And then, out of nowhere, BAM! - a soliloquy on the beach, reflecting on the nature of war, the political situation in El Salvador and the fact that talk of "patriotic duty" wastes away pretty damn quick when the realities of combat are conjured.

At the risk of starting this project off sounding like Cage will be able to do no wrong (but let's face it, that's mostly what's going to be proven here), this random beach scene serves as basically the only really interesting bit of the whole experience.

Otherwise, I'd have to give the whole thing a rating of utterly forgettable. A firm 4/10 - not actually painful to watch, but nothing you'd ever been tempted to look at again.

The Best of Times - barcoded!